When a Speed Habit Isn't Enough

My apologies to you all for not posting anything for the last several weeks; I have the usual excuses about being completely consumed with endless tasks and errands and a little something I like to call "being an overworked mom."
Mr. H. Bomb is as boundlessly energetic as ever with the added symptom of his newly-discovered mobility; ie he crawls as fast as a fully grown adult can run, especially when his goal is to upset the dish of cat food on the kitchen floor. He stands up on his own now and has been known to tentatively put forward one chubby leg in an attempt to walk, which is promptly followed by a thunderous crash, the result of his butt hitting the floor with enough force to break a moose's nose. This of course doesn't faze him in the least and he persues this cycle several more times throughout the day, terrifying my already wary cat.
He is also in a phase now that includes but is not limited to: throwing his arms out to be held at every given opportunity; crawling frantically after me whenever I leave the room and screaming loudly in a way that makes me wonder whether bloodthirsty badgers are attacking him any time he loses sight of me. It's cute in a way, especially when he throws his little arms around me when I pick him up. The needy phase does have its perks; cuddling has become increasingly easy as long as he isn't in "flail wildly" mode.
So with all of that and the ever-present demands of my job and the delightful addition of a new stress: awesome car accident resulting in my fender being fucked beyond belief, I haven't been able to get to the computer for long enough to get more than twelve words in before I recieve a summons for something new.
Nothing new has been going on for the most part other than an unforrunate downward turn in my self-esteem level due to increasing self-torment over my weight. I haven't had the time or energy to get myself to the gym so that even though I am eating better I don't lose anything and the mirror (that dirty sonofabitch)just keeps reminding me that my hips and thighs are gargantuan. I suppose it's my own fault for gaining five pounds while on vacation but it's still frustrating. I have to get addicted to working out again so that I go through withdrawal if I haven't been to the gym in more than a few days. I used to be like that and I saw results fairly quickly and felt much better about myself.
And I KNOW it's stupid that I think I'm a fatty. I know I'm really not because I take reasonably good care of myself and have a sense of self-control that doesn't allow me to eat my own body weight in crisco-coated deliciousness. I just have this ridiculous obsession with celebrity trash magazines and websites that cause me to have this unrealistic expectation of what is beautiful and what is skinny. I'm not talking like I think that Nicole Richie is the epitome of the perfect body or anything, but I feel like while I am still young with the opportunity I should be able to tune my body to look as good as some of theirs do. I have a gym membership that I pay for every month and the means to get myself down to it, so aside from "being too tired," or whatever excuse it may be at the moment, I have virtually no reason to not go, no reason to not be in the kind of shape that I want to be. It's just frustrating that getting results takes so long and me being impatient as I am often counteracts any progress I make, so it's like a neverending cycle until I kick myself hard enough to simply stick with it.
Hopefully this time I can actually motivate myself enough to reach my goal of 22lbs off my current weight, which I shall not disclose as it is really disturbing to see in writing on the screen. I'll try to keep updating with my progress and maybe I'll have better luck with this project than I have had with my novel, which lies dormant in the sock drawer collecting dust and feeling abandoned.
You would think that running after a jet-propelled toddler would be enough to keep any person in phenomenal shape. You would be wrong. Apparently that only happens when you have a horde of them. Just look at Jon & Kate + 8's publicity whore mother Kate. Aside from the tummy tuck she had way back when, chasing after a bazillion kids has kept her looking fabulous. It's too bad that with that you also develop a drinking problem. There's a side effect of everything I guess.

X o X o,
♥luvcatt♥