Caution: Heavy on the Holden

Yes, I am back from San Francisco and have been for a week now but I have left my "avid" readers high and dry til now because I am basically too busy to remember to update. That and it has taken me this long to recover slightly from the ennui that overtook me after arriving back in the Springs to return to reality.
That said, this time was not as difficult as the previous times when I have visited purely because this time I missed Holden so much that it made me physically nauseous. In fact, the last night I was there I went to dinner with Ed and Erica to a sushi restaurant downtown and at the sight of an adorable little Asian baby boy I very nearly burst into tears. I tried my best not to sulk over it as he toddled about the place on unsteady legs, but all I could see was Holden, and all I could do the rest of the night was miss him. So this time when I arrived in Denver International Airport I was only partially filled with the dread that usually floods over me; I felt pure joy that soon I would be cuddling with his squirmy, giggling chubby little body but feared for his father that I would never be able to let him go again after all that.
Upon seeing me walk through the door of his daddy's house, his face lit up with a huge happy grin and he screamed like a banshee. I was so relieved at this; I had been worrying endlessly that in the week and a half it had been since he had seen me last that me might have forgotten my face, but it seems that Mommy is unforgettable. Which I am quite alright with.
Aside from attempting to cuddle with a relentlessly crawling baby, I have been busy as ever catching up with bills, housework and the usual neverending journey known as work. I managed to pawn off my Satanic cat to Jeremy's mom, who had been pining for a new cat since her's passed away a few years ago. He made a grave mistake in attacking the Siberian Husky that lives with her and now it seems he has calmed down significantly from his previously aggressive self, limiting himself to ankle attacks only now. I adopted a new kittie from the Humane Society my first day back because I still like the idea of having a cuddly, low-maintenence animal in the house, and so far so good- this time I opted for a three-year-old female weighing in at an astounding 17.2 lbs with stripes and spots like the bastard love child of a portly cheetah and a rotund tiger. She is everything that Douche-Kittie wasn't: affectionate, quiet, self-sufficient and doesn't shit every fourteen minutes. She will crawl into your lap or onto your chest of her own accord and just sit and purr or lick your neck. I named her Holly because it seemed to fit her personality for some reason, but like my dogs, I rarely call her anything other than "kiki," which she responds to with what I imagine to be a slightly impatient roll of the eyes. Although right now she has an upper respiratory infection is breathing snot bubbles in Jeremy's face at every opportunity, so she isn't very happy with life and spends all day perched atop my pillows on the bed, looking snottily petulant.
So things are getting back to their normal routine: Get up, get baby up, feed baby, bring baby to daycare, work for 8 hours, pick up baby from daycare, play with baby til baby goes to bed, smoke hookah while reading 1.Prince Caspian or 2.I am America (And So Can You!) and finally bed. Rinse, lather, repeat. And while I am not dissatisfied with my life in the least, I built up this trip to California so much that now that it's over and done with, I feel a kind of void where the excitement and anticipation used to be. I think it might have something to do with the fact that I am just so burnt out on this town and Colorado in general that being here is causing my soul (what's left of it) to be slowly drained away.
I mean, what's really keeping me here? It's not difficult to transfer to another store in a different state with my company, and I could take Holden with me if his father and I could come to some kind of living arrangement agreement. I know Jeremy would come with me in a heartbeat too... and I don't want my youth to be wasted living in a place that makes me so utterly depressed just because I was too scared to move on. I think that when my lease is up next July I will finally take the plunge and just do it; finally do what I have been talking about for years: leave. I feel confident that Spencer will be understanding of my decision but I also have a feeling that he won't be particularly pleased about it. Ugh, the trials and tribulations of the single mother continue....
On a less stressful note, we went to the Cheyenne Mountain zoo again yesterday and Holden expressed slightly more interest in the animals this time around, going so far as to reach out and scream at the hippos. Very cute. But, as is his way, he passed right out towards the end of our excursion and used my sunglasses as a teddy bear:



There you go, enjoy all that baby-centered content and stop bothering me to see pictures, dammit.

X o X o,
♥luvcatt♥

pee.dot.ess.dot.
My eyelashes are finally growing back! They're long enough now to put Diorshow mascara (ohhh so good) on and people have stopped asking if I caught fire! Woo! Just thought you should know.